The Treacherous Theater
by LemonySnicket-II
Summary: The Baudelaires find themselves living with the owner of the local theater and discover that the theater is not all its cracked up to be.
1. Default Chapter

A Series of Unfortunate Events  
  
The Treacherous Theatre- By: Lemony Snicket II  
  
Lemony Snicket I Although you never dedicate A book to me. I dedicate mine to you.  
  
One: Sometime in your life you will experience an unfortunate event, such as stubbing your toe, finding that the only cracker left in the house is very stale, or having a father who refuses to mention or dedicate you in any of his best-selling books. We all come across unfortunate events, sometime in our life, but the Baudelaire orphans experienced unfortunate events on a daily basis. Therefore, they were used to their lives of misery and a stale cracker would have been a happy occasion for them, they were so unhappy. A main reason for the Baudelaires unhappiness was a man by the name of Count Olaf, a name here which means a very greedy man who wishes to steal the Baudelaire fortune at all costs. Count Olaf followed the Baudelaire orphans everywhere in many despicable disguises from a receptionist to a gym teacher, and nearly caught them on several occasions, no thanks to Mr. Poe who sat with the Baudelaires as they rode in the very crowded Subway car under a large city. As the subway train bumped along in the dark the children sat by Mr. Poe and wondered what their new family would be like, as I'm sure you would if you were being shipped off to live with people you had never met. I'm also sure the children were wondering if Count Olaf was nearby. Mr. Poe took out his handkerchief and wiped his nose and put it back in his pocket. He took out a small paper bag. "Would you children like a peppermint?" he asked. The children were very allergic to peppermints and had told Mr. Poe this on several occasions, however they were not rude about it and nicely replied, "No, thank you." Mr. Poe put the bag into one of his coat pockets and looked at the Baudelaires and said, "Well, we're right on schedule. Your new guardian will be very pleased to meet you, I'm sure." Violet, the eldest Baudelaire, looked up and asked, "Who is our new guardian, Mr. Poe?" Klaus, the middle Baudelaire added, "I hope they are safe to live with!" "Jibwa!" Sunny the youngest Baudelaire shrieked, which more than likely meant, "Yes, unlike Count Olaf!" Mr. Poe took some papers out of a folder and looked over them and said, "Your new guardian is a Ms. St.Claire. She runs the Joseph Jacobs Theater downtown. You three will have a wonderful time. Plus, you will be far away from Count Olaf!" The Baudelaires sighed and I'm sure you know why if you are familiar with their stories. Everytime Mr. Poe promised the children that Count Olaf was far away, he was certain to turn up sooner or later. He had turned up in Lachrymose Lake, Paltryville, and many other places the Baudelaires had been sent to since their parents had died. The subway jolted to a halt and Mr. Poe and the children got out. It was a dark day outside and the sun could not be seen through the thick blanket of black clouds overhead. It seemed to the Baudelaires a very ominous- a word here which means very scary and likely to be dangerous- day in the city. As they walked down the street they looked at all of the large buildings. There was a museum of Inventors and Architecture, which caught Violet's eye. A library that had three stories amazed Klaus, and a display case in a large toyshop with many plastic things ideal to chew on made Sunny's mouth begin to water. They walked up to a door painted bright yellow. Yellow is a color always associated with happy people. Mr. Poe looked at his watch and said, "Oh dear, I'm afraid I must catch the subway right now If I'm to be at home by dinner! Mrs. Poe is fixing her famous Cold Cucumber Soup and I would hate to miss it! So, I'm going to have to leave you here. Goodbye children and please don't get yourselves into trouble!" and with that Mr. Poe dashed off into the busy streets of the city and left the children in front of the brightly painted yellow door. "Imagine!" said Violet sharply- a word, which here means greatly annoyed at Mr. Poe's judgement of cold cucumber soup being more important than the three Baudelaire orphans. "I hope someone is at home", said Klaus. "Did you hear what Mr. Poe said before he left? He told us not to get into trouble. Of all the stupid things!" "Doogle!" exclaimed Sunny, which roughly translated to "If anyone causes trouble it is sure to be that villainous Count Olaf!" Violet knocked on the door and the three children waited for someone to answer and were prepared for anything to happen. 


	2. Two

Two:  
  
More than likely during the course of your life you have met someone you didn't know. And more than likely when you met this person you used the fine rules of etiquette that are proper to use when meeting someone for the first time.(Unless of course that stranger was running off with your purse or your calico cat named Frederick, as happened to me once.) The Baudelaires were very familiar with the rules one should use when meeting a person for the first time. They had learned them early on because before their parent's tragic accident, the Baudelaire parents often held extravagant, a word here which means full of fancy people, bubbly drinks, and fancy cheeses that are often very smelly, parties. It was good that the Baudelaires knew these rules because soon after Violet knocked on the bright yellow door, it was answered by a very extravagant, a word here which means not full of smelly cheese but covered in jewels and fur, looking woman.   
"Hello", said Violet very politely. "Are you Ms. St.Claire?"   
"Yes, dahling! I certainly am!" Ms. St.Claire replied.  
"Yes, well", Violet continued, "I believe my brother, my sister, and I have come to live with you."  
"Well, yes of course! You simply must come inside out of the street. You will catch your death!" Ms. St.Claire said as she ushered them into her home. The three Baudelaires and the woman covered in jewels, fur, and who had a full head of gorgeous red hair crowded into the foyer, a word here which means a fancy name for the first room one usually comes to in a house that is usually a resting place for rain boots and umbrellas. Ms. St.Claire helped the children with their jackets and mittens and placed them on a slender coat rack. She stepped back and glanced over the children and said, "Well, now let me just get a look at you dahlings!"  
She walked across them like a drill sergeant inspecting the children. She came to the baby Sunny who, not being much larger than a loaf of bread, was standing up on her own with the assistance of hanging onto Klaus's trouser leg. She bent down to look at Sunny and her jewels dangled in front of Sunny's face. Ms. St.Claire said, "Why what a gorgeous baby! You are so precious!"  
Sunny bit one of the diamonds dangling in front of her and Violet shrieked, "No, Sunny! You mustn't bite Ms. St.Claire's diamonds! They are very expensive things!"  
"Oh, don't fret over it little one!" Ms. St.Claire said, "I have plenty of these old things! Here, you may have this to chew on anytime you please!" She took the diamond off her necklace and handed it to Sunny who looked up and said, "Gwee!" that probably translated to, "Oh thank you so very much, I'm speechless!"  
Next Ms. St.Claire came up to Klaus and said, "Aren't you quite the handsome young gentlemen? I'm sure that diamonds are of no interest to you. What are your interests?"  
"Well", said Klaus "I enjoy reading a great deal. I read nearly every book in our parent's library before it…burned."  
"Grand! Grand!", Ms. St.Claire exclaimed. It startled Klaus at first because he was under the impression she thought the fact that his parent's library had burned to the ground along with the rest of their home, but then he realized why she was so excited. "Klaus, you are going to love it here! Nearly the entire second floor is a library full of books, especially plays? Do you enjoy plays, Klaus?"  
"Very much, ma'am", he replied, "A Midsummer Night's Dream is one of my favorites."  
"Fabulous, dahling!" the woman replied as she continued on to Violet. " Now", she said stopping, "What are your hobbies?"  
"I like inventing and building things.", said Violet  
"Fabulous!", Ms. St.Claire exclaimed, "I have a whole studio full of designs for the sets of my plays in production. Perhaps you could help us construct part of the stage or help invent some fabulous new special effects, dahling!"  
"That sounds like fun, Ms. St.Claire." said Violet.  
"Oh dahlings! Don't call me Ms. St.Claire, it makes me feel so much older than I am! Of course, you three will never know how old I REALLY am. A classy woman never reveals her age. Children call me Genevieve. I am going to be your new caretaker and guardian and I do believe we are going to have a fabulous time together!"  
"As long as we're far away from Count Olaf, we will have a fabulous time anywhere!" exclaimed Klaus.  
"Oh, now don't be worried about that old Count Olaf. Mr.Poe gave me a complete description. He also tells me that this Count Olaf uses a wide variety of disguises to people into believing he is not who he says he is, but I work in the theatre dahlings and I know a costume when I see one. So, don't you three worry your sweet little heads. Count Olaf will never harm a hair on your head as long as Genevieve is around!"  
The three children smiled as the woman said this and embraced them all in a large hug. For the first time in a long time, the Baudelaire orphans were beginning to feel a little bit of happiness in their unfortunate lives. However, as you know and I know, the Baudelaires never experience happiness for a long amount of time and this was to be the case once again as the doorbell rang.  
"Oops! I forgot all about din-din! I'm sorry children I'm so busy I've never learned to cook properly so I hope take-out will be alright, until I can hire a proper cook for the three of you."  
"Take-out is fine!", Violet said very sweetly. It was the truth too, anything was better than some of the previous foods the Baudelaires had been subjected to, including Parsley soda, Lumpy beef casserole, and cold cucumber soup.  
Genevieve opened the door and the Baudelaires gasped at the delivery boy who handed the food over to Ms. St.Claire and took her money. It was strangely odd that this man looked strangely neither like a man nor a woman. 


	3. Three

Three:  
  
You and I both know that it is fairly odd to see a person that doesn't look like a man or a woman, for all normal people SURELY look like one or the other. However, the Baudelaire orphans were not at all shocked by the figure standing in the doorway of Genevieve St.Claire's home. This person, who looked like neither a man nor a woman, was a member of Count Olaf's band, a word here that does not mean a group of musically talented or untalented individuals but means a group of filthy scary people determined in ruining the lives of children.  
  
"Am I seeing things?" Klaus asked Violet in a very shaky voice?  
  
"No, Klaus" she replied. "Unless", Violet added, "I'm seeing things too!"  
  
"Pwink!" shrieked Sunny in her baby-voice, which translated roughly into, "I am also positive that man in the doorway is no stranger!"  
  
Genevieve paid the "it" and turned toward the children, lightly shutting the door behind her with a very fashionable high-heeled shoe. She began to walk toward the dining room and the children followed.  
  
"Genevieve…we have something to tell you." Violet said as they walked down the rather large corridor together.  
  
"It can wait, until we sit down together at the dinner table, dahling." Genevieve said as she continued her pace down the hall.  
  
"But…" Klaus protested  
  
"Not another word until din-din!" she answered sharply.  
  
Now you and I would know better than not to listen to a child who was trying to tell us that a member of a villainous group had just been at our front door. Especially a member of a group whose leader was known for murdering people who stood in his way. However, Genevieve St.Claire was not familiar with Count Olaf and his gang of horrible convicts, so we will excuse her for not listening this time. The three Baudelaires must have considered this too, so they just shrugged their shoulders and followed Genevieve to the dining room.  
  
It was a large, marvelous room with a hanging chandelier that shone of crystal and glass. A large table covered in a white silk tablecloth lay in the middle of the room covered with shimmering silverware and candles line along the middle of the table. At each chair there lay a fine china dish and a lilac colored napkin. The wallpaper was covered with beautiful flowers and had a lilac background. As a matter of fact the entire room was in a shade of lilac. Genevieve led the way into the room and placed the take-out containers in the center of the table. She took the top of the containers off and inhaled deeply. "This smells simply fabulous, dahlings! Din-din is served!"  
  
The Baudelaires took their seats at the table and Genevieve began to spoon out food onto their plates. Violet looked down at her food and shrieked when she realized her din-din was moving around on her plate. (Normally it is not polite to shriek at your food, no matter how unappetizing it may appear, but if your din-din is flopping about back and forth on your plate it is acceptable.)  
  
"Violet? What is the problem, dahling? Is something wrong with your food?" Genevieve asked.  
  
"Well" , Violet said trying not to be rude, "It looks very appetizing, but I don't believe its been killed, let alone cooked!"  
  
"Dahling, that's what sushi is! Raw fish!" Genevieve exclaimed laughing at bit at Violet's lack of knowledge. As she shook her head softly she dipped food out onto Klaus' and Sunny's plates. After they watched their food flail about on the fine china, the other two Baudelaire children felt their hunger pains shrink rapidly. Genevieve dipped out something that appeared to be a squid onto her plate and after a few moments of working it onto a fork, she ate the creature whole! This in itself was not polite, for as you and I know it is never acceptable to eat another living creature. However, Genevieve found nothing wrong with this and prepared to eat another one as she dipped her second portion out onto her plate.  
  
"I don't believe I'm hungry anymore!", Violet exclaimed. She stood and ran away from the table without excusing herself, which is even ruder than eating another living creature.  
  
"Excuse, my sister." Klaus said, politely. "She is quite allergic to seafood and it makes her nautious." It was a lie, Violet was not allergic to all seafood, only the Red-Shelled Oyster that lives off the coast of a mysterious island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I have never seen one myself, but I have heard they are very ferocious and it is no wonder Violet was allergic to them. However, Klaus's lie was only for the sake of not hurting Genevieve's feeling, which is the only reason one should ever lie and then only in the most desperate circumstance. Klaus politely excused himself, and followed his sister.  
  
"Imago!" Sunny said in a very politely tone, which meant, "I'm going to go with my brother and sister, please excuse me." She got out of her chair and crawled after Klaus.   
  
Up in Violet's bedroom. The three children sat on Violet's bed in each other's arms. "Don't be so upset, Violet." Klaus said. "Look at all of the stage blueprints you have to read!" At least we aren't back in Count Olaf's home. There was nothing to read there."  
  
"Niclag!" exclaimed Sunny, which meant "And at least Genevieve doesn't have you locked in a tower in a cage!"  
  
Violet looked down sweetly at Sunny. I suppose both of you are right. We should look on the bright side of this situation. At least now we know we don't like sushi. At this all of the children laughed. After a few hearty moments of laughter they noticed Genevieve at the doorway. She came in and sat down beside them.  
  
"Dahling, I'm terribly sorry about dinner. I had no idea you were allergic to seafood. From now on we'll order Chinese or Tai food. We wouldn't want you to be sick now would be. That would not be the least bit fabulous." Genevieve said as she put her arms around Violet, Klaus and Sunny.  
  
"Oh, I'm fine Genevieve." Violet said. "Thank you for caring, though. You're a much better guardian that Count Olaf, Esme Squalor, or the entire village of V.F.D."  
  
"Well, I want to make it up to you for not having a proper first- night supper. Tomorrow I want you and your darling brother and sister to come with me to work tomorrow. I want you all to be my personal assistants on my new play!", Genevieve said.  
  
"Oh that would be marvelous!" Violet said.  
  
"What is the play, Genevieve?" Klaus asked.  
  
"It's entitled The Grimacing Ghost!" Genevieve replied.  
  
"Bravo!" Sunny shrieked, which translated to, "that sounds like a wonderful play!"  
  
"I have no clue what you just said, dahling, but I'm sure it was something just fabulous! So, it's settled. Tomorrow the three of you will come with me to the theatre."  
Genvieve smiled kindly as she got up and left the room.  
  
The Baudelaires looked at each other with wide grins. They were going to be able to help with a play! They were all very interested in what they would be able to do. And as they sat together on the bed they felt deep down that maybe their days of unfortunate events were at an end. However, I am the author of this story, and it pains me to tell you that it was not the end of their days of woe in the least. The Baudelaire's troubles were just beginning. 


End file.
